Further self analysis:
My ability to dig deep when there is a chance of success is really good. When it is a matter of survival, I completely suck. I don’t know how this happened because when I was younger, it was completely the opposite. To put it another way, I now need to be “in” the race to push myself.
I think it’s probably time for me to just say no to pro stage racing unless I can change that or I have the time to train enough to be competitive on some level. I tried to train around my current situation and got sick, and I don’t think it was unrelated.